Teenage Challenges

The weather was yucky here today.  We were inside all day.  Vika came to see us right at 8:30am!  She was here all day and seemed to have a good time. 

After dinner she and Jason really started having fun together with the ipad - sharing and singing songs.  It was so fun to watch!  Then one of her friends knocked on our door (about 6pm here) and said a bunch of things I couldn't understand.  It is a friend whose influence is not that great - we have already determined that.  With that, Vika was gone.  We watched out the window as she left the orphanage property with this friend.  Jason and I were not happy.  We wanted to go after her, but we don't completely understand the rules here and are certainly not wanting to be the ones to rock the boat in a foreign country with a pending adoption.  Unfortunately, Sergey was also gone to Zap to re-send a document on the train (so we can truly have Court Thursday) so we sat here doing nothing and watching our daughter so something that 1) is against the rules 2) is unsafe and 3) for so many other reasons is wrong.

I have read my fair share of adoption books and started reaching back into the memory to pull out what to do.  What I want/wanted to do and we should/need to do are different.  That much I remembered!

An hour later she came strolling back into the property.  She knew we saw her come back in and seemed to try to make up for it - big time.  All of her other friends were with us hanging out asking where she was when she walked up.  They all saw her walk back into the property as well.  We did not deal with it tonight in front of 15 friends but tomorrow we will. 

Sergey returned and we talked to him about it.   He didn't seemed alarmed at all (??ugh??).  He said ALL of the orphanage kids do it.  He said, "You are just the first family to stay here and the kids don't understand that they are being watched.  But it happens all of the time no matter what age."  He said, "On weekends (when the director is away) they all do it."  He said he will help us talk with her tomorrow.

I know this is reality here.  I know in my new 'family reality' it is not that big of a deal but it is a reminder of the parentless lives they have.  I am not necessarily worried about Vika and her behavior.  We had her with us for 5 weeks so I believe we have a good handle on her issues.  She wasn't out smoking or drinking tonight...that we know.  She was just out to get away.  I guess if I lived in this environment (like I wrote about last night) I may do the same thing.  Jason and I were talking to Sergey and told him that in this tiny, safe town this may be ok.  But in the US...14 year old girls can't just go somewhere because they feel like it.  It is unsafe.  We also aren't happy about the lack of respect for rules but we are more worried to just see 2 girls wander off and no one know.   

I am again reminded of the situation all of these children are in.  They are parentless.  I wrote last night that they do not appear to have things to look forward to.  That is my assumption, anyway, from being here for two weeks and watching the monotonous routine they (and we) are in.  But I know for a fact that they cannot fathom the love of a parent caring about them and a parent having their stomach in knots because they watch them walk out of the orphanage gates alone.  They cannot understand that when we insist rules are followed it is because we care...not because you are one of 168 kids and the rules have to make sense for the masses.  We have rules because we love our children.  This is a new concept that we will have to work through.  We will have a long road to get her to understand that when we say no or are concerned it is because we care and love her.  We are also new at parenting a teenager so this is trial by fire for us!!!!!!

We are going to talk to Vika tomorrow about it.  We will do it in an appropriate way given the situation we are in with her.  This is when I am SOOO glad I have a Kindle with all of my adoption books on it!  But we are going to start to plant the seeds and reminders of the way life is in the Hair house!!!  She was really so well behaved when she was with us for 5 weeks.  I know this is teenage stuff and, in the grand scheme, not a big deal here but we want her to know our feelings and start the process of meshing her into our family.

So...so that's it for Sunday.  Started out lazy and ended with watching Jason (and myself) stepping into the role of Dad and Mom for this girl.  It was good to see him worried for her and good to feel it myself.  Those are the feelings of parents...are we are her parents!!!!!