Torn Again

I have dreaded writing tonight because I really don't know what to say.  We have been praying to leave and get home and we are very close to doing that.  But we are leaving the orphanage tomorrow and I am leaving behind children that I know want and need homes.  I have had children cling to me over the last 3 weeks and it is so hard to just walk away.  There are a few, in particular, that have simply stolen my heart.  There is one that I just cannot let go of.  This is the by-product of staying around all of these precious kids.  Their situation is not their fault and I am on a mission to help the ones I can.  I will work to see that I can help the ones I can. 

You have no idea what a hug from these children will do to you.  At first it is just a hug.  Then they see you out on the playground and knock on the windows to say hi.  You wave back and blow a kiss.  Then they are hugging you behind the windows because they aren't allowed to come outside yet where you are.  Then they are allowed to come outside and all they can do is hug on you and kiss you like you have never been loved.  I am telling you that the love of these kids is immense and fills something you didn't know was empty...but you have to make yourself available to know it!  You have to put convenience and what makes sense aside and say, 'ok' to taking a chance!

We have not had the easiest road with Vika, even while here.  But I can tell you this...God hasn't had the easiest road with me - and my parents certainly didn't have the easiest road with me...they will be the FIRST to tell you that.  But here is what is true...God loved me when I was not worthy of it.  He loved me in spite of all I did.  And He/we will love Vika in spite of the things we don't like and the things we want to change.  We had a little situation with her tonight where I had to challenge her in front of her friends.  She started crying and the night ended with me holding her like an infant in my lap.  She didn't move until I did...so I know she is wanting that love from a mother.  She is so deserving of God's love and ours...she just hasn't been given the chance at it.  I am dedicated to doing that and more.

So enough of my ramblings.  We have court tomorrow.  I have had a rough night.  I am worried about my own child (for a lot of reasons) and then about other children I am desperate to help.  Even my own sweet husband saw the one who has stolen my heart and said, "What can we do about that.  We can't take anymore but who can?"  If you know Jason that will say enough.  She needs a family!  Pray that there is a solution for her.

Please pray for Vika.  She is at a crossroad.  She so desperately wants to come to America and that won't change, but every family member has shown their face and made promises to her.  I hate to say this, but where have they all been for 4 years?  It is hard to watch and painful.  After tomorrow, she is legally ours after the appeal period (10 days)...I will feel better then!  Pray for her influences while we have to leave her for this short period.  I also pray that she is surrounded with the Holy Spirit and the enemy gains no more foothold on her heart.  I pray she knows how loved she is and that our love is unconditional and everlasting. 

Pray for Court tomorrow!